...

i juz dun feel like blogging today.. but.. i guess i have to ba.. i lost someone close to mi today... (first time tt some one tis close passed away...) something tt i cant accept it right away...

my uncle passed away 3 days ago... i had regretted not to visit him more when he is in hospital... i shd have... he dotes mi quite a bit... yet i din visit him when he's ill in the hospital tt much.. *sigh* it's so heart breaking to know tt he passed away... and so hurting to see my grandma cried every now and then... i consoled her... telling her not to cry so much as my uncle would never rest in peace if he knows tt she's like tt... and it's so easy for mi to say it out like tt... yet... i realised... it not easy to do tt... and i never knew it's so hard until today...

today's the last service and cremation for my uncle... i dunno why... there are some weird feelings in mi when they seal the casket(i.e. the viewing panel)... though i had taken a few look of him before they do tt.. when they seal it.. i juz wanna look at him again... for one last time.. i do miss him alot...

at the viewing hall(of the cremation ceremony)... lotsa thoughts and memories went through my head while waiting for the casket to be pushed into the furnace... i find it so hard to control my emotions anymore when the casket arrives for cremation... i juz cant bear to see his remnants being turned into ashes juz like tt...when the whole casket is being sent into the furnace... i juz broke down... cos i dun wan tt to happen... but i knew i cant stop it... and i cant see him again le...

for the whole day... that scene of his casket being pushed into the furnace juz cant get off my mind... and i juz cant brace mtself up for it...i wanna get over with it... but it's so hard to... ... ... haiz...

"it only hurts u if u cant get over it..."

i am alot of things. i am a happy geek. i am a lomo addict.
and many more "-aholics".
i whine sometimes. am extremely impatient. and can be impossibly irritating. but i can be sweet, loving, and extremely kind. when i feel like it that is. and that's mi.